Alison J Barton

Alison J Barton is a Wiradjuri poet based in Melbourne. Themes of race relations, Aboriginal-Australian history, colonisation, gender and psychoanalytic theory are central to her poetry. She was the inaugural winner of the Cambridge University First Nations Writer-in-Residence Fellowship and received a Varuna Mascara Residency. Her debut collection, Not Telling is published by Puncher and Wattmann. www.alisonjbarton.com / Instagram @alison_j_barton

 
 
 
 
Mirror

my mother had too much self to give
she was a bear that couldn’t walk itself
her residue a sulking weight we had to trail
I think back now wondering who could see it
her grief hauled from under the volume of her
we ended up the way we knew
both absent
she, the citation
I, the mirror
I was called precious
morphed into hate and rage
I do and do not forgive her,
I remember my reflection
my life was an infancy of sound-gathering
like an instrument archiving its vibrations
I stored language for us both
used it to fill in her gaps
made myself sick and soft
for what she carried, someone had to
we experienced the storm together, tremors too
she arranged the wreck
the way I had to pay
the shape of me
indebted monster
at the door, she would stand hoping it might open
night would creep in and we wouldn’t talk
affection was over
I worried on what had been committed
abandoning her in the light
words formed and stuck to the back of my throat
when I measured her
I got an answer to a question I couldn’t comprehend,
two troubled lives holding their wounds very differently
both crashing into the heart of things
some are lost forever learning to speak
some have voices that shake walls,
fill quiet rooms
but a translation, solitude
was my way of imagining inaudibly
we desecrated together
we needed to finish like this
with an aching acid alcohol chest
marched to an absolute equation
the solution distorted then dawning
on her trauma stage
I am emptying my mother now